Difficult Goodbyes

So, today is my last day in the office at my job, the job I love and don’t want to leave. It’s such an odd feeling cleaning out my desk and leaving but not feeling the sense of relief or freedom that one feels when voluntarily leaving a job.

It’s been a very long week of difficult goodbyes. I have so many good friends here who I don’t want to leave. I know that I will stay in touch with the majority of them, but saying goodbye is always so difficult.

I’ve seen some of my friends cry, people I didn’t think I’d ever see cry. I’ve been crying so much myself. I dread going into work each day because every day brings a goodbye to someone else.

I have also had to say goodbye to the friends that I’ve made playing soccer and the friends I’ve made through volunteering at my local Humane Society. More tears, more sadness.

At this point, I should be looking forward to being with Sarah and my dogs, and I really am, but the emotion at the immediate moment is heart-wrenching.

I talk to Sarah on the phone, and she’s upbeat and happy because she knows I will be there in a couple of days. I know she went through all the unhappy goodbyes when she left six weeks ago, but maybe she has forgotten by now how hard that was. I think she may feel like my sadness is in place of being happy to move to be with her. The sadness is really in addition.

Sarah said, and I believe this, that once I’m on the road driving to my new home country, the sadness will fade away and be replaced with excitement. We’ll see if that’s true.

In the mean time, many of my good friends are coming by to help me load the moving truck. I’ll be spending all day tomorrow packing up my stuff and saying goodbye to the home I love, the home I still own, the home I wouldn’t be leaving if Sarah were allowed to stay in the country.

I’m interested in the upcoming election and I will be voting by absentee ballot. However, the Republican Party rhetoric is already including language to push for a constitutional definition of marriage. I think I will just end up observing the election with amusement from afar, but at the same time, this type of rhetoric infuriates me. I can’t imagine how I could convince the Republicans I know that these types of anti-gay-marriage initiatives really harm good citizens like me. I guess Republicans really care about money. So, maybe I should remind them that they are losing two income-earning tax payers. Or, maybe I’d have more luck telling them about the personal financial impact this exile de facto is having on me. Next time, the details of my financial regression. . .